


When The Ocean Took Her Thoughts Away

by FruitLemonTea



Series: Just Some OC Stuff [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Child Abuse, DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY DISTURBED, Disturbing Themes, Drowning, F/F, IT’S DISTURBING, IT’S VERY VERY DISTURBING, I’m not putting “angst” as a tag because this. This isn’t angst. This is pure fucking despair., JUST, Not a Dead Dove: Do Not Eat because it’s.. not THAT level of disturbing but still, Other, PLEASE D:<, PTSD, Please believe the tags, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide, don’t read if you’re sensitive, please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:41:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27187405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FruitLemonTea/pseuds/FruitLemonTea
Summary: Icarus finds herself wandering off.//Again, an OC thing. PLEASE read the tags. PLEASE. READ THE DAMN TAGS. READ THEM.
Relationships: Icarus/Natasha
Series: Just Some OC Stuff [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992979
Kudos: 4





	When The Ocean Took Her Thoughts Away

“神様  
もしも生まれ変わることが出来たら  
爱される子になれますように。”

(I pray to God, if I could be reborn, I want to become a loved child.)

...

If a life has no meaning, why live it.

If I despise everything, why go on.

If I don’t want this, why not just end it all.

If I don’t know who I am, why not just end this cowardly disaster I created?

...

Icarus found herself wandering off after a... fight. An unusually big one. With her mother, of course. Although it’s... not the typical ones where two people scream at each other. It’s different.

The punishment made her nearly vomit due to fear, her heartbeat increasing and unable to breathe, even after her head was out of the water. Her vision went black for a few seconds, all she could feel was panic. Panic and fear. Worse that it reminded her of last time when this happened, when she nearly drowned, and... And.. Then- with all her strength, she ran off without being able to say anything.

Now she’s here.

Icarus hated arguments. It was the sort of thing she just didn’t like. It never ended well for her. She wouldn’t have even ran off if not for the panicked state she was in. It was... awful, it...

Her face is still wet, the water mixed with tears. She wiped it with her hands. She hated how useless she feels, how defenseless, how she’s crying- of course, it’s irrational to think so. Everyone cries. But her- stupid- pride, forces herself to just tell herself she can’t show any weakness. She needs to be perfect. She needs to be good.

It’s the mindset her mother gave to her. And unknowingly, she started to believe it, even though she hated that as well. She didn’t... know. She wish it would disappear in a blink, but it never does.

And she looked up, realizing she’d wandered herself off to the beach.

She calls herself a coward. Scared of the truth, scared of fighting back. Scared of thinking about it. Scared of facing herself.

Scared of realizing that abuse isn’t love.

Her mind floated away when her body just moved. She didn’t know what she was doing. It was a blur. Then, the cold ocean waved pounded against her feet, and she snapped back into reality.

She’s just now about to make herself drown.

...She didn’t know why she would choose drowning when she just now ran away due to panic from possibly drowning. Or maybe, she did know. Actually—yes. She did know.

It’s a punishment to herself. For what? Who knows, maybe being born, that’s what.

The water rises to her waist.

She breathed in, enduring the fresh air of the ocean. She didn’t always hate the ocean, only after... That. It’s pretty nice that she.. decided the ocean. In a weird way, it was pretty calming instead of... like a few minutes—hours?—ago. Maybe due to the lack of her mother’s presence.

It raised to her shoulders.

..And she could feel the anxiety rising. Oh, great, that’s wonderful isn’t it? She’d remark. She shivered as she took a step closer.

Let’s end this mess, she decided. She’s at fault here anyways. She was the one who went with it and acted like some sort of social butterfly. She was the one who gave up her dreams because of what her mother said. She was the one who lost herself. She’s at fault. She’s guilty. A failure-

—The wAtER TOOK HER IN FULLY AS SHE LEAPED. IT HURTS, HER EARS ARE RINGING, SHE’S FORCED TO THINK BACK, IT’S HORRIBLE-

...Natasha——

No- NO, no, NO NO NO wait, let her back, no- NATASHA. NO. NATASHA. SHE NEEDS TO- NO. No, no- please, no, don’t, no, no- She tried to move but couldn’t, frozen with fear and water sinking into lungs, causing her to be pulled down. She leaped, which made her face down, and when she managed to get herself facing upwards, she was in too deep. The ocean pulled her in like a hungry beast, grasping at her and fully taking her in, and-

...Natasha,  
I’m sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> I sort of- Took inspiration. From a song. Actually, two songs- at the beginning. Because c’mon why the heck would I be able to write something like that out of nowhere? uwu. I’m not Toko.  
> https://youtu.be/TXfJVNqaHiM  
> (For this one, I straight up took the lyrics so.)  
> https://youtu.be/4QXCPuwBz2E  
> (this one I took inspiration from the lyrics and stuff.)  
> There are actually two versions of the first one but,, I sort of. Liked this one more since it kinda fits the character more but I’ll post the original either way uwu  
> Here it is:  
> https://youtu.be/6mCmR2gGgho


End file.
